Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What Did You Say? (Listening to the Muzac Part 2)

I was driving home from a meeting the other night. It was raining pretty hard and I was singing along with my iPod, as I tend to do. Then all of a sudden I realized that I had missed my turn.

I'm looking around to get my bearings when I notice a small grocery-type store to my left. It's familiar, somehow though dark at this time of night. But the name lit up in the rain catches me off guard. My throat constricts for a moment. Then I look around and discover where I am. Emotions flair as I begin to accuse the Universe of yet another cruel joke. Once again it finds my weakness and toys with my emotion.

"Aw come on ... really? REALLY?" 

The words fly from my lips before I can stop them and my heart races.

That was my initial response. I found myself annoyed ... okay, I was mad. Hurt too. There is nothing like pressing on a wound. You know the feeling. Ever happen to you? Something unexpected comes along and triggers a wave of feeling? Well, at that instant my emotional state blocked the clarity of any message sent my way. I heard one thing ... and I felt that the Universe was once again playing with me. Antagonizing me. A little torment for Jenni ... hit her when she's down.

But then ... a little tickle as a new concept arose way back inside that "little black box." It caused me to pause and reconsider my response. See, it was a discovery that maybe what I heard and what it was actually being said were two different things. Perhaps my initial response ... my initial interpretation of the Universe's cryptic communication method ... was incorrect ... wrong! Perhaps there was something more here that I missed and needed to hear at that precise moment. Perhaps the Universe thought I was ready and open to a little something more ....

"What did you say?" I asked. (I really did ... spoke out loud to the air and everything.)

With a little help from a friend who helped me break through the static mumbo jumbo these types of communications typically exhibit, I decoded the message. I opened my heart to what it had to say. And as I came to terms with the fears in my heart I also came to terms with the knowledge that my automatic response almost caused me to miss a key truth entirely. 

See, the Universe wasn't toying with me. There was a method to the madness. And because I chose to listen, I actually got it.  I really heard it then. What I took to be a moment of torment actually turned into one of those "ah-ha" moments of discovery ... realization. A confirmation that I was in the right place. And I opened my heart to some thoughts I'd neglected and discarded.

Here's something I've been learning during a period in my life where I've existed without a firm plan, agenda, goal or intention (something that drives me nuts but seems to be necessary for my soul right now.) Events in our lives rarely follow a to-do list.  Like the people who surround us, they are unpredictable no matter how well we plan. They don't typically follow my scripted outcome preferences. They don't always happen the way I have them designed. 

Why, then, would I ever think that the Universe might communicate with me in a predictable pattern? It just isn't that simple. Since words I want to hear rarely come to my ears the way I mentally draft them, why would any of us expect the world to flow by anything but its own rules.

But, if you are open to it, the Universe DOES communicate. Angels do send messages. God is actively reaching out to each one of us ... listening, holding, and sometimes even nudging us to miss our turn to learn something .... discover something ... recall something. It may not happen the way we plan or want it to happen. But there is a Force out there that knows what it's doing.

There's only one Director in my life and I'm learning that it isn't me. So I stand in the elevator, listening to my selected Muzac -- oh yeah, sorry Universe but I'm going to at least control the playlist! -- and await the next cue. No matter what it is, I'm pretty sure it won't be the one I was anticipating, expecting, planning or scripting ...

The Universe follows its own rules. Might as well enjoy the ride and wait for the next message ...

                                                                                                                 -- Jenni

Dedicated to KL.